he laugh sensation that swept the nation, How to Speak Southern and More How to Speak Southern, is now collected in one complete-and completely hilarious-volume. Embraced by Southerners everywhere and dedicated to all Yankees in the hope that it will teach them to talk right, this uproarious book decodes "Suthun" wit and wisdom for "Nawthun" upstarts everywhere. From "aig" (a breakfast food that may be fried, scrambled, boiled, or poached) to "zackly" (as in "precisely"), here's just a sampling of what you'll find inside:
ATTAIR: Contraction used to indicate the specific item desired. "Pass me attair gravy, please."
EVERWHICHAWAYS: To be scattered in all directions. "You should have been there when the train hit that chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichaways."
YONTNY: Do you want any. "Yontny more corn bread?"
Funny as well as informative, this laugh-out-loud dictionary will keep you laughing and learning-no matter where you fall on the Mason-Dixon Line!
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April 24, 2006
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Excerpt from The Complete How to Speak Southern by Steve Mitchell
ACit: That's it. "Ah (I) don't wanna hear no more about it. ACit as far as Ah'm concerned."
Addled: Confused, disoriented, as in the case of Northern sociologists who try to make sense out of the South. "What's wrong with that Yankee? He acts right addled."
AD-dress: Where you live. "What's your AD-dress, honey?"
A-DRESS: What women look very good in. "Jeans are nice, but I'd rather see a woman in a-DRESS."
Afar: In a state of combustion. "Call the far department. That house is afar."
Ah: The things you see with, and the personal pronoun denoting individuality. "Ah think Ah've got somethin' in mah ah."
Ah 'magine: The first word means yourself--or as Southerners say, "yosef"--and the second is an expression of intent or belief. "Ah 'magine she's 'bout the sweetest gull (girl) in Jeff Davis County."
Ahce: Solidified liquid that is best employed in the cooling of mint juleps and aged bourbon. "This dry ink (drink) needs more ahce in it."
Ahdin: I didn't. "Ahdin know the gun was loaded, Judge."
Ahmoan: An expression of intent. "Ahmoan have a little drink. You want one?"
Ahr: What we breathe, also a unit of time made up of 60 minutes. "They should've been here about an ahr ago."
Ahreen: A lady's name. "You remember that song that was popular during the Korean War? 'Goodnight Ahreen'?"
Aig: A breakfast food that may be fried, scrambled, boiled or poached. "Which came first, the chicken or the aig?"
Ails: 1. Else. "Warn't nothin', ma'am. Anybody ails would have done the same thing." 2. To be ill or afflicted by something. "That mule sure is actin' strange. Wonder what ails him?"
Aint: The sister of your mother or father. "Son, go over and give Aint Bea a big hug."
Airish: Drafty, cool. "Don't leave that door open. It's too airish already."
Airs: Mistakes. "That shortstop's made two airs, and the game's not half over yet."
All Ah wanna do is hold you a little, is all: One of the most brazen, outrageous lies Southern men tell women, and always with the utmost sincerity. "All Ah wanna do is hold you a little, is all, honey."
All over hell and half of Georgia: Covering a large area. "Ah've looked for that boy all over hell and half of Georgia."
Alms: What beggars ask for, but what Southern men hold their girls with. "Ah just want to put my alms around you a little, is all."
AMbolance: A four-wheeled vehicle used to convey the injured to a hospital. "That boy's hurt bad. Better call an AMbolance."
Ar: Possessive pronoun. "That's ar dawg, not yours."
Argy: To dispute in a contentious manner. "Ah told you to take your bath, boy, and Ah'm not gonna stand here and argy with you about it."
Arkensaw: A Southern state some Yankees have been known to confuse with Kansas, even though the two have nothing whatever to do with each other. "She's from Little Rock, Arkensaw."
Arn: An electrical instrument used to remove wrinkles from clothing. "Ah'm not gonna arn today. It's too hot."
Arrer: A pointed stick the Indians used to employ with great efficiency, as General George Custer discovered at Little Big Horn. "Ah shot an arrer into the ahr..."
Arshtaters: A staple of the Irish diet and the source of French fries. "Ah like arshtaters, but Ah hate to peel 'em."
Arthuritis: A painful illness characterized by stiffening of the joints and paralysis. "Grandma's arthuritis is botherin' her real bad today."
Ary: Not any. "He hadn't got ary cent."
Ast: To interrogate or inquire, as when a revenue agent seeks information about illegal moonshine stills. "Don't ast me so many questions. It makes me mad."
At: That. "Is at your car?"
Attair: Contraction used to indicate the specific item desired. "Pass me attair gravy, please."
Awduh: A state of affairs that depends on obedience to law. "The marshal brought law and awduh to this town."
Awf: The opposite of on. "Take your muddy feet awf the table."
Awficer: A policeman. "Well, Awficer, Ah guess Ah might have been goin' a little over the speed limit, but..."
Awfis: The place where men say they have to work late and sometimes actually do. "Go ahead and have supper without me, honey. Ah have to work late at the awfis."
Awfullest: The worst. "That's the awfullest lie you ever told me in your life."
Awl: An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. "Ah like that car, but it sure does use a lot of awl."
Awraht: Okay. "If you want to go back home to your mother, that's awraht with me."
AY-rab: The desert people who inhabit much of North Africa but not much of Israel. "That fella looks like a AY-rab, don't he?"
Babdist: A religious denomination whose members are found in great profusion throughout the South. They are against drinkin' and dancin', but..."Ah hear the Babdist preacher run off with the choir director."
Bad-mouth: To disparage or derogate. "All these candidates have bad-mouthed each other so much Ah've about decided not to vote for any of 'em."