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The Mother Factor : How Your Mother?s Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life
Whether we acknowledge it or not, our mothers leave an indelible impression on the persons we become. Our ability to function emotionally in relationships -- both personal and professional -- is based on our mothers' deep influence.
In a book full of insights and wisdom based on a career of helping others, acclaimed psychologist Stephan B. Poulter shows how the mother factor can work either for or against us. The key to allowing this important legacy to work for us, says Dr. Poulter, depends on understanding our mother's pervasive influence on our life. He shows that the way we connect emotionally in adult relationships is based on the "style" of our mothers.
Dr. Poulter defines the five major styles of mothering as:
* The Perfectionist Mother--whose family must look perfect in every way
* The Unpredictable Mother--whose ups and downs can create lifelong anxiety and depression in her son or daughter
* The "Me First" Mother--whose children come second or last
* The "Best Friend" Mother--who's now in vogue but can wreak havoc
* The Complete Mother--who provides guidance and shows compassion to her child.
Although most mothers are a combination of the above, many fit more into one category than others. Even though as adults, we tend to dismiss our past as the past, we do so at risk to ourselves. Only by understanding how our mother's legacy affects us today can we transcend the mysterious anger, anxiety, depression, and shame that we feel, and achieve the kind of relationships we deserve.
Dr. Poulter demonstrates how the internalized "rulebook" we inherit from our mothers is a very powerful force. These unspoken rules govern work, relationships, emotions, separation, and independence. Unless we become aware of the rules that guide our behavior, thoughts, and beliefs, we won't have the ability to make our own choices.
This enlightening book will help readers connect with their past to correct self-defeating behaviors, reach their full emotional potentials, and live happier, more fulfilling lives.
Family psychologist Poulter (The Father Factor) claims that anyone can be free from their mother's influence-if you first take the time to understand what it is. No matter how terrible your mother was, he asserts, she is no longer running the show. His clear, sensible advice about an emotionally loaded topic will at the very least give readers a place to start making peace with themselves. Poulter describes five different mothering styles-Perfectionist, Unpredictable, Me First, Best Friend, and Complete-and then details the emotional fallout from each. Using examples from his own practice and life, Poulter provides instructions and exercises on how best to move forward without shame, emotional deprivation, co-dependence, fear of intimacy, abandonment or anger. Readers who haven't considered the ways in which this relationship has affected their lives, or those stuck in a cycle of blame or victimization, will be well-served by this book. Though he does not address the mothers that cross the "type" lines he has defined, readers are sure to find his overall message affirming and empowering. (Mar.) Copyright 2008 Reed Business Information.
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March 01, 2008
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