In this hip and utterly indispensable guide, two happily married husbands and regular guys reveal the secrets to getting a man down on bended knee -- his most uncomfortable position. Over the years, Richard Kirshenbaum and Daniel Rosenberg have dispensed loads of successful relationship advice to friends, colleagues, and relatives, who then pushed the ex-bachelors to share their lessons with the masses of future brides who need help taking their existing relationships to the next level. These guys have been there and know what it takes to get even the biggest commitment phobes to take the plunge. Closing the Deal will help you make a realistic assessment of your relationship and offers a fresh perspective on how your man's mind works. You'll find a new way to drive your relationship toward marriage without resorting to game playing. The authors promote the importance of truth telling, self-positioning, and the artful use of marketing tactics to reel in your man. You don't have to be the prettiest, thinnest, or richest woman to close the deal -- there is an art to it! Closing the Deal is not about outsmarting your man to the altar -- it's about learning to understand him.
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January 18, 2005
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Excerpt from Closing the Deal by Richard Kirshenbaum
1. Is He Not The One?
IS HE THE ONE? THIS IS THE SEMINAL QUESTION that always makes the act of dating both frustrating and fascinating. While this guessing game will always keep things interesting and mysterious, it may be more reasonable to tackle the other question first, the one that is far easier to answer: "Is he not The One?" While some of you would argue that you "know right away" whether someone isn't for you, sometimes it's not all that clear.
For those of you who want to get married, there actually is something worse than singledom: spending your life with someone who doesn't make you happy. Before we get started with your journey of self-discovery, let us emphasize that marriage isn't about entrapment. It's about taking something great and making it better. And as in fairy tales, the important part is as much about finding the right prince as it is about living happily ever after. Just because you think you have a prince now, doesn't mean he's your Prince Charming.
We're going to help you figure out where you stand with your man and help you make an informed decision by presenting the tools that will help you correctly analyze the level of person whom you are with. Level doesn't refer to social standing or self-worth, it refers to your compatibility as a couple and his willingness to commit. Besides compatibility issues, we're going to discuss reality issues, as well. Realities in relationships are sometimes difficult to see (especially when you don't want to face them), so we're going to spend a little time figuring out if you are being honest with yourself about your relationship.
Let's face it though, there are endless reasons why your relationship could falter before your saunter to the altar. We want to say up front that no matter how great the advice is in this book, and no matter how closely you follow it, there are some guys who will never pull the trigger. These men have Commitia, a type of VD (vow disavowal) that makes the most eloquent of men flub their lines at the mere mention of the M word. These are the perennial bachelors, serial daters, and commitment-phobes who exist in every socioeconomic group, and their modus operandi is fairly consistent. They certainly will never be The One. These are the relationships that need to be cut short immediately or, better yet, ended before they've begun, or else time's a-wastin'.
Let's tackle the issue of whether your man is the marrying kind you need to know that from the start. Since the goal of Closing the Deal isn't to get you married for marriage's sake but to help you make that step with your soul mate, we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't address the very difficult issue of whether you're kidding yourself about your current relationship. This is where our big brother advice really kicks in, and it won't be fun. Although we promise to be as gentle as possible, be forewarned: You could discover some great and some not-so-great news over the next few pages.