The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship : How to Fall in Love Again and Stay There
From the bestselling authors of Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, a unique approach to rediscovering the joys of commitment. Chemistry. Respect. Enjoyment. Acceptance. Trust. Empathy. These are the six pillars that form the foundation of every committed relationship. In this engaging new book, therapist and relationship coach Mark Goulston identifies and explores these key elements with practical advice, useable insights, and compelling anecdotes. Goulston shows readers why each pillar is vital, what causes it to break down, and how to repair it to recapture what time and distraction have eroded. Most important, he demonstrates how it is possible to renew intimacy, passion, and fun and to fall in love again. Dr. Goulston brings a fresh perspective to the age-old problem of relationships that have suffered from neglect, disappointment, or betrayal. And unlike so many books on this topic, this one has been written to make sense to men and feel right to women. It draws "Mars" and "Venus" into the same orbit, which is the only way a relationship can be revitalized.
In an intelligent if unexciting work that benefits from Goulston's 25 years as a psychiatrist, he observes that relationship problems stem from a breakdown of any of the six essential traits he's grouped under the acronym CREATE: chemistry, respect, enjoyment, acceptance, trust and empathy. For each trait, he offers self-evaluations and exercises that elicit open dialogue between partners working together, in either written or verbal form. Though he sprinkles the text with pithy ideas he calls "Usable Insights" (e.g., "Constantly asking your partner to tell you you're attractive is unattractive"), the heart of the book is in its fictionalized accounts of real-life cases. Many of these stories are genuinely moving, though some are too easily resolved; overall, they effectively illustrate the issues. Though Goulston apparently wants to counter John Gray's gender characterizations by declaring that men and women are not from different planets, but from earth, he still serves up some stereotypes (e.g., men who resort to type as sullen and withdrawn; women who are critical and demanding). Some of his comments about sex may raise some eyebrows (he connects the availability of Internet porn to a "masturbation epidemic among married men"). This solid effort should appeal to mature couples willing to do the work he suggests to shore up long-term marriages. (Feb.) Forecast: The lack of a gimmick or obvious sales handle will make this book harder to sell in the crowded relationship market, though that may give it some durability in the long run. A first serial to Ladies Home Journal and Goulston's syndicated column at lifescape.com will insure exposure at publication. Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information. -- PUBLISHERS WEEKLY.
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January 24, 2001
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