If a mountain man felt compelled to dance, how would he do it If koala bears could talk, what would they say And what's the right pickup line, if you're a necrophiliac (Maybe "I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get you pregnant.")
In the throes of debates like these, we're lucky to have the learned people of McSweeney's Internet Tendency, America's best low-budget humor website, and their edifying work. From their best-looking writers comes this collection of over three hundred lists, including...
"Signs Your Unicorn Is Cheating on You."
"Errors in Communication Between My Hairdresser and Me, in the Form of What I Said and What He Heard"
"Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock 'n' Roll"
"Things This One Girl Sitting Near Me in a Movie Theater Said Out Loud When One of the Characters Was Shown Pulling Into a Gas Station"
"Future Winners of the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest"
"Adjectives Rarely Used by Wine Tasters"
"The Collected Apologies of Lawrence H. Summers, President of Harvard"
"Exactly What I Mean When I Say My Ex-Girlfriend Kristin and I 'Wanted Different Things from Life'"
And much, much more...
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September 12, 2006
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Excerpt from Mountain Man Dance Moves by McSweeney's
Climbing trees is fun!
Let's volunteer at a soup kitchen this Christmas.
My tongue is funny!
Eating leaves is fun!
Will you help me think of something nice we can do for Grandma?
Look, a pouch!
Let's prevent a forest fire!
No, you're the cutest ever.
Camus is boring. I find Karl Jaspers's philosophy much more enlightening.
Let's make cider!
I bet I'll live forever!