Why Do Men Have Nipples? : Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini
Is There a Doctor in the House Say you're at a party. You've had a martini or three, and you mingle through the crowd, wondering how long you need to stay before going out for pizza. Suddenly you're introduced to someone new, Dr. Nice Tomeetya. You forget the pizza. Now is the perfect time to bring up all those strange questions you'd like to ask during an office visit with your own doctor but haven't had the guts (or more likely the time) to do so. You're filled with liquid courage . . . now is your chance! If you've ever wanted to ask a doctor . . .
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July 25, 2005
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Excerpt from Why Do Men Have Nipples? by Mark Leyner
CHAPTER 1: YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT
It's 10 P.M., and my partner in writing and crime, Mark Leyner, and I are late as usual, but the party is in full swing. We brought a bottle of Don Julio tequila, which Leyner sampled voraciously in the cab, insisting that it needed to be screened for industrial toxins. We enter the elegantly appointed Park Avenue home of Eloise Cameron, a philanthropist, patron of the arts, and Botox junkie. Hors d'oeuvres are being served and the slightly inebriated and flush-faced Leyner grabs a mouthful of Swedish meatballs, proceeds to kiss our hostess, and then comments, "Eloise, baby, better lay off the collagen. Kissing those lips is like making out with the Michelin man." She attempts to smirk with disdain, but the Botox leaves her face impassive.
I corral Leyner and we proceed into the living room. No sooner have we entered when I'm embraced from behind. I turn around and it's Jeremy Burns, an investment banker who sits two rows behind me at the Knicks games. Jeremy is well known to the Madison Square Garden food vendors for his insatiable appetite for hot dogs, cotton candy, and beer. He is now almost unrecognizable in his new Atkins-induced skeletonlike state. "Who exhumed you " Leyner belches. I am overcome by embarrassment but secretly wetting myself with laughter. Jeremy tries to sidestep Leyner and as their arms brush, Leyner is covered with the grease that now oozes from Jeremy's pores. Leyner whispers to me, "This dude is all greased up like a rectal thermometer." I push Leyner away and he uses this opportunity to sneak over to the bar for another blast of Don Julio. I am left with Jeremy and his insufferable stories about life on the meat and fat diet, and a million medical questions about food.
If we are what we eat, why do we know so little about food and nutrition
DOES IT REALLY TAKE SEVEN YEARS TO DIGEST CHEWING GUM
What is it with seven years You break a mirror, seven years of bad luck. Each dog year is seven human years. Seven years to digest swallowed gum What if a dog broke a mirror then swallowed a pack of gum Sounds like an algebra problem.
Chewing gum is not digestible but it definitely doesn't sit in your stomach for years. Gum actually might help things move through the bowels faster. Sorbitol is sometimes used as a sweetener in gum and this can act as a laxative. What does this mean Yes, if you look carefully, you should see it floating next to all of those lovely yellow corn kernels.