You are cordially invited to attend... The Sweet Potato Queens are bona fide experts at planning a marvelous marriage (and ending one-flip this book right on over if you're looking for advice on dumping a deadweight hubby!), so who better to provide this handy wedding planner And even if you're not planning your own nuptials, surely you have dreamt about your perfect day, regardless of whether you've met Mr. Right yet! In this essential manual, you'll learn: - How to plan a truly regal wedding - What to wear (and what not to wear) to your own wedding, or to anyone else's - How to organize the sassiest games and sauciest entertainment for the occasion - How to plan and prepare the greasiest, tastiest wedding vittles for your big-ass guests You are hereby summoned to appear . . . The Sweet Potato Queens know a thing or two about ending a marriage (and beginning one-flip this book on over if you're planning on attaching yourself to the ol' ball and chain!), so who better to provide this crucial divorce guide Besides, whether you're getting your own personal divorce or not, chances are you'll be calling Mr.
With the fifth raucous outing in her indefatigable series, Browne and her fallen Southern belles make the leap from trade paperback original to hardcover. This hilarious reference is a one-stop relationship shopper's dream: start from the front and it's a wedding planner; flip the book over and it's a divorce guide. Boasting "around thirteen marriages and eight divorces-so far-not to mention more than 300 combined years of valuable experience," Browne and her fellow Queens offer sage advice, dire warnings and sidesplitting anecdotes for women who could use "some sympathy, some understanding, some refreshments and a little fucking help around here." Between offering tips on how to save money on weddings and avoid manslaughter charges during divorces, Browne also teaches her own language course in Southern-speak, which she dubs "Y'allbonics," and shares recipes encouraging "balloonia" over bulimia. As funny as Browne can be, her powerful underlying message has always been preaching empowerment to women who feel they have no options ("Quit investing your life in a relationship that's bringing you only minimal returns. Don't be skeert of going for more"). No wonder, according to www.SweetPotatoQueens.com, there are nearly 4,800 worldwide chapters devoted to Browne's fun-loving and life-affirming teachings. (Jan.) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information. -- PUBLISHERS WEEKLY.
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December 26, 2005
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Excerpt from The Sweet Potato Queens' Wedding Planner/Divorce Guide by Jill Conner Browne
One of the Queens, TammyPippa, owns an architectural salvage company, Backroads Architecturals. This delicate flower of womanhood goes out and tears down old houses and buildings with her own hands and hauls off the good parts to sell to home-building folks with good taste. (Her husband, Charles, does help out.) In one of the fine old houses she was deconstructing, TammyPippa discovered a little paperback book that no doubt had been hidden away because of the shocking nature of its contents. Called The Book of Nature, this thin tract was written and sold in the early 1920s for a dollar. The cover notes proclaim it to be for "the married and those intending to marry?a complete explanation of all." TammyPippa called me immediately.
I raced over to pick up the book and found plenty of explanations I've been wanting for quite some time. I was expecting to sleep much sounder in the future after getting all my troubling questions answered and all. I also expected to acquire the knowledge to settle a number of unduly vexing issues for you, my readers.
I knew in the opening pages of the book that I had come to the right place. The author, a guy, stated that some other guy had possibly exaggerated when he said that the reproduction of the species is the only duty a woman has to fulfill in human society. Hmmmm? That other guy gave me pause, I gotta tell you. I'm thinking, okay, fine, have it your way, buckwheat. We'll reproduce 'em, and then we will be punching out. Everything else-everything else-is now your problem. Since you're so fucking smart, here's a bunch of babies for you. We're going out for margaritas and then we'll be napping. We've fulfilled our duty to society. Good luck with them kids!
To smooth things over, the author wrote that he personally thinks that there are women who have brains as well as ovaries. He was not making a rash, blanket statement of generalization, of course, but simply conceding that it might've happened sometime, somewhere. There are whole piles of women who never have children, he opined, but care for the children of others and thereby may be performing an even greater service than the actual production of children.