Griffins, Dragons, and BNPs (Bugs of Nightmarish Proportions). Who knew? It seemed harmless enough. See a mysterious door and step through to see what happens, right? Now stranded in a magical kingdom, husband and wife search for a way home. However, enlisting the aid of the king and queen has given them their biggest shock yet: Royal Babysitters.Some days it didn't pay to get out of bed.
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1 . Lots of Promise, some flaws
Posted June 04, 2012 by Jonathan Clarke , Jackson, MSAn Alice in Wonderland-esque adventure; the main characters, Steve and Sarah, find themselves thrust from our world into the midst of a world of wonder and magic. There they discover that not only do they have powers themselves but that they play a central role in a centuries old prophecy. To save the life of the young prince they must master their powers and seek out a master dwarf blacksmith in order to go home, taking the prince to safety with them.
The story is fast-paced and frolicsome. Overall, it is a fun, interesting story, that shows a lot of promise. I say promise because there are a number of editing problems. However, if the problems were resolved the story would move well past promise towards excellence. I do recommend this novel, but with the stipulation that the reader be warned that it is currently less than perfect.
That said, what follows are some of the problems (from most important to nit-picky) I noticed:
The primary problem is word overuse namely where the author stated something happened "instantly" or someone did something "while simultaneously" doing something else. Late tags or no tags: The POV changes without a tag, or a new speaker speaks without a tag. McGuffins galore!: The main characters are presented with magic items where time is taken to explain the item and its virtues, but the item is either not used or not pertinent to the story. Some knowledge confusion: Characters forget that they hadn't or had thought or done/knew something Authority figures sans leadership skills: The Captain of the Guard defers to persons without military experience, and his men often act undisciplined. Unchildlike child: The Prince acts like a 5 yr old, speaks like a teen. And lastly, things that should take a while don't. Steve goes from apprentice to journeyman in a day. Or the construction of a powerful magic item takes days, but full suits of armor that fit perfectly without measuring and an almost magical armored gown take less than a day.
September 14, 2010
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