I've heard that you can learn everything you want to know about a man's heart through just one kiss.
We'll see about that.
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September 01, 2000
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Excerpt from Kiss by Francine Pascal
Chapter 1: Gaia
I'll probably never have kids. I'm not just saying that. There are a few really good reasons to think so:
1. I can't even manage to get a guy to kiss me, let alone...all that;
2. I seem to have very, very bad family karma (if you believe in karma, which I don't, but it's kind of a fun word to say);
3. Somebody tries to kill me at least once a week.
If you knew me at all, you'd know I'm not being a wiseass when I say that. Let me give you a quick example: I went on the first real date of my life recently, and the guy tried to murder me -- literally -- before the night was over. So, really, what are the chances I'm going to stick around on this earth long enough to find a guy to love me so much that I'd actually want to have kids with him in the far distant future?
But if by some miracle I ever did have kids, I would never, never, never have just one.
I remember this old neighbor of mine telling me how great it was to be an only child, how you got so much more support, love, attention, blah, blah, blah, blah. How you didn't have to share your clothes or fight over the bathroom.
I would die to have a sister or brother to share my clothes with. (Although to be honest, what self-respecting sibling would want any of my junk?) I fight over the bathroom with myself when I'm feeling really lonely.
The summer I was thirteen, the year after my mom...and everything, it was over a hundred degrees practically the entire month of August, so I used to go to this public swimming pool. All the lifeguards, and lifeguards-in-training, and lifeguards-in-training-in-training, and swim team members chattered and gossiped and giggled while I sat on the other side of the pool. I never made a single friend. One day I overheard my foster creature at the time say, "Doesn't it seem like all the other kids at this pool arrived in the same car?"
That, right there, is the story of my life. I feel like the whole rest of the world, with all their brothers and sisters and parents and grandparents and uncles and aunts, arrived in one big car.
The neighbor I mentioned earlier, the one who was so psyched about only children? I think he neglected to consider how the whole scenario would look if you didn't have parents.