Put your partner to the test and find out just how well you know one another.
After more than thirty years of research into how relationships work and where they often go wrong, Allan and Barbara Pease devised this clever quiz book to help you determine how compatible you and your partner are.
The special quizzes, to be taken by yourself and with your partner, will help you clear up common misunderstandings and communicate better.
A unique blend of in-depth research, witty insight into human nature, and humor, Are You Made For Each Other? will help your relationship--and make you laugh as you learn.
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December 26, 2005
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Excerpt from Are You Made for Each Other? by Barbara Pease
Talking and Listening
Why Men Don't Talk Much
and Women Talk a Lot
We've known for thousands of years that men aren't great conversationalists, particularly when compared to women. Speech is not a major brain skill of men as it is with women. It operates mainly in a male's left brain and has no specific locations. MRI scans show that when a male speaks, the entire left hemisphere of his brain becomes active as it searches to find a center for speaking.
Men evolved as lunch-chasers, not communicators. The hunt was conducted with a series of body language signals and often the hunters would sit for hours silently watching for their prey. They didn't talk or bond. When modern men go fishing together, they can sit for hours and say little or nothing. They're having a great time enjoying each other's company, but they don't feel the need to express it in words. Yet if women were spending time together and not talking, it would be indicative of a major problem.
In women, speech is a specific area located primarily in the front left hemisphere, and in other smaller, specific areas in the right hemisphere. Having speech centers in both sides of the brain makes women good conversationalists. Because they have larger, specific areas that control speech, the rest of a woman's brain is available for other tasks, thus enabling her to do a number of different things at the same time. Women's clear-cut speech centers give them superiority of language and verbal dexterity.
Because women originally spent their days together with the other women and children in a group, they developed the ability to communicate successfully in order to maintain relationships.
The Basics of Listening
Typically, a woman can use an average of six listening expressions in a ten-second period to reflect, then feed back, the speaker's emotions. A woman reads the meaning of what is being said through voice intonation and the speaker's body language. This is exactly what a man needs to be able to do to capture a woman's attention--and keep her listening. Most men are daunted by the prospect of using facial feedback while listening, but it pays big dividends for the man who becomes proficient at it.
The biological objective of our ancestral male warrior when listening was to remain impassive, so as not to betray his emotions. This emotionless mask that men use while listening allows them to feel in control of the situation. It does not mean he isn't experiencing emotions; brain scans reveal that men feel emotion as strongly as women, but avoid showing it.
The Great Listening Test
The following questions can put your partner to the listening test. He or she can't fool you easily. Do they really listen to you or not? Do they really know your special likes and dislikes, or do they only pretend to? And what about you? Do you frequently expect too much of your partner and his speech ability or can you deal with his weaknesses? This quiz will bring the truth into the open.
If you are a man, take the test on pages 6-7. Women should fill in the questions on the next page. If you want to test yourselves the other way round as well, make sure you copy the questionnaires before completing them.
Answer the questions carefully and ask your partner to fill in his/her answers afterward--without having read your answers.
Your name ________________________
1. What upset you most this past week?
2. As a child, did you have a pet? If yes, what was it?
3. What happened in your last dream?
4. Which film moved you most during the past weeks or months, and why?
5. When is your best friend's birthday?
6. Do you believe in an afterlife?
7. Which of your partner's habits annoys you most?
8. How can your partner always make you happy?
9. Which book are you reading or have you finished recently?
10. Do you feel that your partner listens to you?
11. Are you and your problems in good hands with your partner?
12. Do you idolize anyone? If yes, who is it?
13. To which country would you most like to travel?
14. What New Year resolutions did you make last year?
15. Do you have principles? Name the three most important.
YOUR PARTNER'S TEST
Your name ________________________
1. What upset your partner most this past week?
2. As a child, did you partner have a pet? If yes, what was it?
3. What happened in your partner's last dream?
4. Which film moved your partner most during the past weeks or months? And why?
5. When is your partner's best friend's birthday?
6. Does your partner believe in an afterlife?
7. Which of your habits annoys your partner most?
8. How can you always make your partner happy?
9. Which book is your partner reading or has she/he finished recently?
10. Does your partner feel that you listen to her/him?
11. Does your partner think that she/he and his/her problems are in good hands with you?
12. Does your partner idolize anyone? If yes, who is it?
13.To which country would your partner most like to travel?
14. Which New Year resolutions did your partner make last year?
15. Does your partner have principles? Name her/his three most important.