There's a new boy in kindergarten, and guess what? He's the handsomest guy Junie B. has ever seen. She and Lucille and that Grace all want him for a boyfriend. Only, he thinks Junie B. is a nutball. Just 'cause she couldn't stop laughing and rolling. So how is she supposed to get that boy to love her?
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Random House Books for Young Readers
October 29, 1996
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Excerpt from Junie B. Jones Loves Handsome Warren by Barbara Park
Chapter 2: Pigs
Lucille sits next to me in Room Nine.
I kept on being nice to her.
'Cause I wanted to meet that handsome boy, of course.
"Want to be friends again, Lucille? Huh? Want to be friends like we used to be? That would be nice of us, don't you think?"
"No," said Lucille. "You only want to be friends so you can steal my new boyfriend."
I did a big breath at her.
"Yeah, only how can I even steal him, Lucille?" I asked. "'Cause you are way beautifuller than me. Remember that? Remember how beautifuller than me you are?"
She fluffed herself.
Then she showed me her new lacy socks.
"Eight dollars and fifty cents... not including tax," she said.
I bugged out my eyes at them.
"Wowie-wow-wow. Those are some fancy feet you have there, madam!" I said.
After that, I showed Lucille my socks, too.
"See, Lucille? See mine? They are very sagging and droopy. That's because last night me and my dog Tickle played tug-of-war with those things. And he got drooly on them."
Lucille made a face.
"Eew," she said.
"I know they are eew," I said back. "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Lucille. I am a big pig. And so how can I even steal your boyfriend?"
Just then, Lucille looked nicer at me.
I scooted my chair close to her.
"Now we are friends again! Right, Lucille? Right?" I said. "And so now you can introduce me to Handsome Warren. 'Cause I won't even steal that guy."
Lucille fluffed herself some more.
"I don't know... I'll think about it," she said.
I clapped my hands real thrilled.
Then I quick stood up on my chair.
"GRACE! HEY, GRACE!" I hollered. "LUCILLE SAID SHE'LL THINK ABOUT IT!"
Just then, I heard a different voice.
"JUNIE B. JONES! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
It was my teacher.
Her name is Mrs.
She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that's all.
I smiled kind of nervous.
"I am trying to get a message to Grace," I said very soft.
Mrs. hurried up to my table.
"Never ever stand up in your chair, Junie B.," she said. "You could fall off and break something."
"Yeah!" shouted a meanie boy named Jim. "She could break the floor with her hard head!"
I made a fist at that kid.
"PLUS ALSO I COULD BREAK YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE BEAN BRAIN!" I hollered back.
Mrs. plopped me back in my seat.
"That's enough," she grouched. "I mean it, Junie B. Not one more word."
After that, I stayed in my chair very good. And I did my work.
I did my spelling.
And my arithmetic.
And my printing.
Also, I drew a sausage patty on my arm.
Only that wasn't even an assignment.
That is called working on your own.
Pretty soon, Mrs. clapped her loud hands together.
"Okay, everyone. It's almost time for recess. Pass in your papers and line up at the door."
Mrs. looked at me.
"And please... let's be ladies and gentlemen about it."
Ladies and gentlemen means No Trampling on Thy Neighbor.
It is a Ten Commandments, I think.
Me and Lucille held hands.
"Now you're gonna introduce me. Right, Lucille? Now I'm gonna get to meet that handsome boy."
Just then, that Grace runned up behind us.
I was happy to see her.
"Grace! Grace! Guess what? Lucille is going to introduce us to Handsome Warren! 'Cause you and me are big pigs, that's why!"
That Grace looked upset at me.
"I am not a big pig," she said.
I quick whispered in her ear. "Yeah, only we're not really big pigs, Grace. We just have to say we're big pigs. Or else Lucille thinks we will steal her boyfriend. Get it?"
That Grace got it.
"I am a giant stink hog," she said to Lucille.
And so after that, all of us skipped to the swing set very happy.
We sat down. And waited for Room Eight to come out.
We waited a real long time.
Then all of a sudden, Room Eight opened their door! And Handsome Warren came out of there!
Lucille runned to him and grabbed his hand.
She pulled him to the swings to meet us.
"That is Grace. And that is Junie B. Jones," she said to Handsome Warren.
He waved very cute and friendly.
I quick hided behind my hands.
'Cause all of a sudden I felt shy of that guy.
I peeked through my fingers.
"Peekaboo. I see you," I said.
Then I laughed and laughed. 'Cause I'm a laugh a minute, that's why.
I kept on laughing at that funny joke.
Only too bad for me.
'Cause after while, I couldn't even stop.
I was out of control, I think.
I holded my sides and fell on the ground.
Then I rolled and laughed and rolled and laughed. All around in the grass.
Handsome Warren looked nervous of me.
He backed up.
"What a nutball," he said very soft.
Then he turned around. And walked away.
And Lucille and that Grace walked with him.