Blow Him Away: How to Give Him Mind-Blowing Oral Sex

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You Have to Walk Before You Can (Unzip His) Fly:
Preparing Yourself to Find (and Swing) Your Partner of Choice


If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come
there are so many books on how to?

-Bette Midler


IT WOULD BE a cause for celebration if we were born with the natural and intuitive set of sexual skills that we all pretend we have. Without stating it outright, our culture-via our parents, the media, and our peers-implies that sex and sexual skills should come naturally, with all but the most advanced techniques being instinctive. You'd never expect someone to hit a perfect tennis serve without lessons and practice, or to play a beautiful sonata on an instrument they've only touched a couple of times. Yet somehow, most of us come to maturity with the expectation that sexual skills will magically develop in the presence of our naked lover, that this lover will likewise experience a spontaneous onset of spectacular proficiency, and that it will all unfurl as smoothly as a movie montage.

Where do real-life Don Juans get their savoir faire? There's only one way: practice, practice, practice. Some people try to pick up tips from their friends, but while you may have an friend or two with information to spare, the likelihood is that you're dealing with what literary criticism calls an "unreliable narrator." (I personally stopped trusting the sexual knowledge of my peers when they asked me if my "cherry" had been "popped," but could not specify what this "cherry" was, nor exactly where it was located.) Truth: real sex is awkward.

The fact is, if you expect great sex to come naturally, you're in big trouble, and your partner is in even bigger trouble. Giving great oral sex is dependent upon being truly comfortable with the act, in good times and in bad. Real sex with live people is awkward-it smells, it squeaks, it gets stuck on some things and rams too quickly into others. People get injured physically (especially in the shower) and emotionally (especially in affairs), and on the whole, doing it probably causes about as many problems as pleasures. This doesn't mean that you should stop-in fact, most of us should be having more sex rather than less.* But it does indicate that we have a lot of false expectations surrounding sex, and these expectations take a lot of the fun out of sex without us even knowing it.


ACCEPTING THESE REALITIES WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER LOVER


Sexual Skill Doesn't Come Naturally
Sure, the impulse to have sex is natural, and the heat of passion is sure to lend a little on-the-spot inspiration, but sexual skill must be learned and practiced like anything else.


Tell Him to Wash Behind His Balls
Genitals have a naturally pungent odor and taste. Some people love it, others don't. But you're in denial if you're surprised by it. If this is a concern for you, just take a bath or shower with your partner, instead of trying to skirt oral sex, or pretending to be comfortable going down when you're not. If you forge ahead anyway, your partner will sense your repressed discomfort, and the effort to conceal your true feelings will take the zest out of your performance.


A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Orgasm
Whether it's that funny slurping noise, a penis that veers to the right like it's catching a curveball, or a pubic hair in your eye, unexpected things are bound to happen during sex. Who can say what it will be? One woman I know started laughing while her guy was coming in her mouth, and it ended up dribbling out of her nose. Things like this are a natural part of an active sex life, so you might as well expect them and make sure to bring your sense of humor with you to the bedroom. Taking sex too seriously is a sure passion-killer.