Men in Shorts

Kate's jaw ached. The last time it hurt like this had been after a mammoth smooching session with her first boyfriend. Ten years ago. She'd been fifteen and they'd been hiding behind the bike sheds of their London school. Sadly, the current ache had nothing to do with kissing. The moment she'd been levered into the orange monstrosity that masqueraded as a bridesmaid's dress, she'd been forced to smile. Her hair had been tweaked into a style she hated. Smile. Her shoes pinched her toes. Smile. She hadn't smiled nine months ago when her boyfriend Pete had been bewitched by her friend Jennifer - the definition of friend was still under review. But the smile was back in place today while the pair married. Kate even smiled when bastard Pete thanked her in his speech for bringing him and Jennifer together. She'd smiled harder when Pete caught her alone in the corridor and tried to give her a drunken kiss. Laughing it off didn't work. The knee in the crotch did. As the other five bridesmaids cooed over their gifts of jewelry, Jennifer handed Kate a foot-long narrow package. "A special gift for you." Kate forced a laugh from somewhere when she saw what was inside. Then Jennifer gave her one of her looks, one that made Kate feel there was an undercurrent she hadn't quite grasped. "Now you'll have a man in your life," Jennifer said. Kate stared at the toy in her hands: a dark-haired male doll wearing nothing but a pair of denim shorts. Exactly what Pete had been wearing when he'd opened Kate's apartment door to find Jennifer prancing around in her underwear. "It's the best I can do," Jennifer said and smiled. Kate's jaw was locked into an inane grin. She couldn't even let her smile drop in the cab on the way home to Lewisham. The driver was a relative of Pete's. Only after she'd slammed the door of her apartment and shut out the world did Kate let her shoulders drop and her head fall. She kicked off her shoes and sighed. It was over. She'd promised long ago she'd be Jennifer's bridesmaid and she'd kept her word. If only Jennifer had kept the promise they'd made about not stealing each other's guys. Kate looked at the doll in her hand. GI Joe. He was cute. Square jaw, dark eyes, strong nose and an impressive ripped physique, if a little cold and stiff. The only imperfection was a scar under his right eye. Kate rubbed his shorts with her thumb, impressed with the miniature stitching and the little studs. She wondered if he was anatomically correct. Unfastening tiny buttons, she eased the shorts over his firm backside and smiled. The first genuine one of the day. A smooth mound. No wedding tackle. Poor asexual Joe. Not the sort of guy she needed. She opened her closet and tossed him inside. Kate needed to fix the light in there. Maybe Joe would do it for her. She threw herself back on her bed, beat down the suffocating layers of orange netting that flew up and closed her eyes. She wished she had a guy to come home to, wished she'd had one at the wedding to sit next to, wished - The thump was so loud Kate jolted upright. She held herself taut, waiting for another sound but heard only the clock ticking her life away. It sounded as though the noise had come from inside her closet. Maybe a rail had broken or a shelf had given way and tossed her clothes to the carpet. The end to a perfect day. Kate flung open the closet door. A man lay on the floor. A dark-haired guy wearing denim shorts and nothing else. Kate laughed. That extra glass of champagne had not been a good idea. She slammed the door. She needed to drink coffee. A lot of it. * * * * Joe Kendrick blinked. He didn't think he recognized the tall, slender blonde, but she'd gone too fast for him to be sure. What was she doing in his apartment? Joe dropped his head back and stared up at the panel hanging from the ceiling. Ah, now he remembered. The fall had rattled his brain. Not his closet. The one on the floor below. He could see part of his through the gap in the ceiling. He'd cut a hole and been checking to see if the floor was strong enough to support a safe. Well, guess he knew the answer to that. Joe also knew he shouldn't move. He could have broken something in the fall. There was a horrible pain in the middle of his back. Only logic told him if he'd done something catastrophic to his spine, he wouldn't be able to feel it. Joe worked in risk assessment. He took a risk and sat up. He'd been lying on a doll. He laughed and tossed it aside onto a pile of shoes. Even in the dim light shining down from above he saw they were women's. Strappy high heels. Pointy toes. Flowers. Bows. Black. Blue. Ohh, red. His cock unfurled and pressed against the buttons of his shorts. He undid the snap and one button. His gaze fell on the doll. She had a kid? And a husband? His cock deflated. Joe pushed himself to his feet and stretched. No bones broken. He reached to check out the panel he'd fallen through and it slotted into place. Joe breathed a sigh of relief. He could pull himself back up to his apartment and no one would ever know. The woman who'd looked in must not have seen him, probably couldn't believe her eyes. Though he wasn't too happy about the way this building had been constructed. Had they followed safety regs? The closet door opened and he turned. "Fucking hell. I mean, oh, my goodness," she blurted. Joe stifled a laugh. "You're real. I threw that doll in here, wishing it was a guy. So dreams do come true?" Joe opened his mouth to tell her he'd fallen through from upstairs and she smiled. In that instant he was lost and the damn yoyo in his shorts shot up. Cute heart-shaped face with the most kissable lips he'd seen since he'd arrived in England. She had curves in all the right places. And she wasn't freaking out at the sight of a stranger in her closet. "The doll didn't have anything in his shorts, but I can see you do," she whispered. Joe's face heated up. He opened his mouth again to speak and she closed in to kiss him. Her soft hands cupped his face and her tongue pressed against the seam of his lips. Of course, now I keep my mouth shut. Joe opened to let her inside and she almost dove into his throat. He tried to chuckle but it came out more like a choked groan. That was fine. She was fine. The kiss was more than fine. Seductive lips pressed against his. A hot tongue snaked around his mouth, an intrepid explorer of a new world and he hoped she liked what she found. "Beer." She sighed. "I love your taste." His balls tightened. He loved her taste too. Something sweet. Cake? His hands slid onto her waist. Her dress was...there was too much of her dress. How was he supposed to get his hands on her through miles of scratchy material. And orange? Too soon for Halloween. Then he lost his mind inside her mouth and did what he should have done several minutes ago. He kissed her back. Joe rimmed the soft inner recesses of her mouth, nipped the fleshy pad inside her lower lip, teased with the tip of his tongue and felt her melt. Her hands roamed his back, pulled him closer, her body arching into the kiss as Joe found himself rocking his hips into hers. "Rip the damn dress off," she pleaded. Joe would have loved to have done just that but he was a cautious guy. What if this was some designer creation and he was going to end up with a bill for thousands of dollars? "Please. I hate it," she said. He slipped his hands into the back and pulled the material hard, heard it tear, kept tugging until the dress sagged on her shoulders. He let her go, she gave a little shimmy and layers of orange dropped to the floor. The bulge in Joe's shorts became more of a problem. He wore no underwear to protect him from the pressure of his fly buttons and the larger his cock grew, the greater his discomfort. He needed a few more buttons undone, but he wanted her to do the undoing. She wore underwear, but might as well have not bothered. A strapless black lace bra that pushed her breasts into a dining table, place set for one. The piece of silky black string wrapped around her hips and passing between her legs could in no way be described as a pair of panties. Natural blond, then. He grinned. He bet her ass was beautiful but he didn't dare look in case his cock made a successful escape attempt. Joe dropped his head to her shoulder, nibbled his way to the top of her bra, then licked along the edge of the material. She gulped little throaty breaths that made his cock sing and forget the press of the buttons. His pulse rate soared. One flip of his fingers and her bra fell off. His vision blurred for a moment. Raspberry-tipped nipples, like little erasers. Blond curls at the apex of her body. Sugar lips. What to focus on? He was spoilt for choice.