You Want Me to Work with Who?: Eleven Keys to a Stress-Free, Satisfying, and Successful Work Life ... No Matter Who You Work With

The Eleven Keys
Since Daniel Goleman coined the term "emotional intelligence" in 1995 with his best-selling book of the same name, we've heard a lot about this concept, and how while successful leaders usually exhibit traits such as toughness, intelligence, determination, and vision, they are also distinguished by what are commonly categorized as "softer" skills, such as self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, and empathy.

The Eleven Keys, which are the central focus of this book, are based on this principle of emotional intelligence, but combine a few additional "harder" traits. They are drawn from my twenty years of interacting with all kinds of people in the workplace. Time and again, I have observed that individuals who have the Eleven Keys and know how to use them in a balanced way tend to be more successful and well-liked by their colleagues than people who don't possess them. They also experience less stress than others because, by properly utilizing the Eleven Keys, they are better equipped to handle people who have difficult personality traits and to gain control of their work relationships, and are more likely to build up a functioning immunity to problematic people. While it is impossible to change other people's inherent personality traits, it is absolutely within the realm of possibility to be in control of our relationships with difficult people and to find peace and balance. This is what the Eleven Keys will do for you.

THE ELEVEN KEYS ARE:

1. Confidence--The capacity to believe in yourself and your choices; to take pleasure in your relationships and pride in your accomplishments; and to view yourself and your situation realistically.
2. Curiosity--An eagerness to understand, to know, and to learn; intense and sincere interest in investigating and exploring the unknown.
3. Decisiveness--The ability to make choices based on a combination of analysis, critical thinking, and judgment; arriving at conclusions and making decisions with determination and confidence, even in the absence of adequate time or information.
4. Empathy--The capacity to demonstrate caring and understanding of someone else's situation, feelings, and motives; to imagine what it might be like to walk in someone else's shoes, especially when you've never worn them.
5. Flexibility--Being capable of and responding positively to change, both internal and external; being pliable, adaptable, nonrigid, and able to deal well with ambiguity.
6. Humor--The ability to view oneself and the world with enjoyment; a talent for not taking life, or oneself, too seriously; being amusing, amused, and, at times, even comical.
7. Intelligence--The ability to work cleverly, creatively, and efficiently; to plan before taking action; to use critical thinking, logic, and analysis to solve problems, form opinions, and arrive at conclusions. Managing time effectively, taking creative approaches, and communicating clearly and effectively.
8. Optimism--Expecting the best possible outcome and dwelling on the most hopeful or positive aspects of a situation, even in the face of adversity.
9. Perseverance--The passion, energy, focus, and desire to get results; being unwilling to quit until the job gets done. Motivation, persistence, and hard work, as well as consistent follow-through, "closing the loop," and taking the next step to move the process forward.
10. Respect--Treating others in a considerate, gracious, and thoughtful manner; protecting another person's self-esteem; being professional in your communication; following through on promises and commitments; behaving with integrity; remembering that it's just as easy to be nice as it is to be nasty; not using mean behavior to instill fear or maintain control over others.
11. Self-awareness--The ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own moods, emotions, and drives, as well as to understand their effect on others.