Will Fight Evil for Food

Chapter 1: Will Fight Evil for Food
We are born naked, wet, and hungry, then things get worse. I started life with nothing and still had most of it. For me, things were going both slow and worse in Skyport City. It was bad enough that I was a private detective. Even worse since the super aliens came to Earth. Some of them settled in my town where they took over just about every aspect of crime fighting. It used to be that I'd have a domestic case or two just about every week. More than enough to keep food on the table and the bill collector away from the door. Now the super aliens are even in my domain since they seem to have run out of real criminals to catch. For them, it's just a simple matter of flying up into the air and staring down until they spot their man. Then they just watch with their x-ray vision to see if he's straying from the wife's straight and narrow. Now I'm not seeing any cases. At the rate things are going, I'll have to become a bill collector just to see money.

I guess the saying is true. God hates money, look who he gives it to. I guess that means he likes me. A lot. Anyway, I sure hope so since he didn't bless me with tons of money. On the other hand, I'm kind of glad. With my luck, he would have dropped it on me in one lump sum. All in coins. As it is, I'm living on a budget which means I'm going broke methodically.

At any rate, I guess I'm blessed with friends. At least my beautiful, blond, blue-eyed secretary hasn't left me yet. Maybe she's waiting for her sainthood papers. Maybe it's because she knows that I just naturally respect pretty girls in tight-fitting sweaters. Whatever the reason, at least I've got someone to talk with, not that we have much worth talking about anymore. All because of those super aliens.

It was just after ten in the morning when the phone rang at my office, the Jake Mordant Detective Agency. For a moment I was dumbfounded. I thought the phone had been turned off. Sherry answered it in her usual sweet tones. With a voice like hers, you just knew that oral sex was the answer regardless of what the question happened to be. In fact, if Sherry was a beer, I'd be married for sure.

Sherry asked, "Hey Jake, want to hunt down a cat for a woman "

"Is she asking or paying "

"She's willing to pay."

"Sure, I'll take the job. Get a description and last known location."