| Carol Gino
|
 | Biography
grew up on fantastic myths and rich stories of brave heroes who were tested by Olympian gods, heroes who proved their courage and sincerity by undertaking incredible voyages and accomplishing impossible deeds and who always won. Good always triumphed over evil. Accordingly, I believed my world had been created by a loving and omnipotent personal God who provided that each of his children be constantly attended and protected by his or her own special guardian angel. Each night as my father tucked me in to bed, he fed me more rich myth to grow on. And each day with my completely balanced meals, my mother fed me more "reality". I went to Catholic school where the nuns were mostly kind, though their idea of God was far more punishing than the One I knew in my heart, Here, my dreams were fed even more by the stories of visions and apparitions visited upon the very good and the very young. The constant prayer in my heart while I kneeled in church and my lips moved to the "Our Father" or the "Hail Mary" was, "Dear God...If a kid like Bernadette got a vision of Our Lady, why can't I have one?" Bernadette was, as far as I was concerned, just another kid who happened to live in Lourdes, and who couldn't have been trying any harder than I to be good. Back then, my religious aspirations were competitive. Life and time passed and mother's vision of reality seemed closer to the reality I was experiencing than the stories Dad had told. And so as many of us do, a large part of me grew up and traded the vision of my heart for the newer vision of my mind. This new god, the god of rational mind, was fine when things were going well. I was rewarded in wordly terms, I was successful. Still, I found whenever a major tragedy hit in my life, I immediately resorted to the stronger knowledge of my heart, turned to my guardian angel and hollered help. I wouldn't pretend to you that I had never lost faith. That would be untrue. And I was no uncomplaining Job. During that entire period of my life when I traded my omnipotent, personal, compassionate God for the god of intellect, rational mind, and science, my God seemed a product of infancy and innocence and I, and most of my friends, gave it up and stopped believing. |
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